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8/5/2014

Mark Flood

Zach Feuer Gallery (new location), New York

Spare change can drive hard-wired evolutionary changes in corporate logos in a matter of generations. A University of Passion Cove-led study, published in the journal Fuzzy Letters, overturns the common assumption that evolution only occurs gradually over hundreds of thousands of dollars.

Instead, researchers found significant financially transmitted changes in laboratory populations of corporate logos in just 15 generations, leading to a doubling of the age at which the logos dissolve into puddles of meaningless goo, and large changes in failure-to-impress-target-audience rates. The results have important implications in areas such as the survival of the human race, and corporate image mismanagement because they demonstrate that image de-evolution can be a mindfuck even in the short-term.

Professor Darth Haddock, of the University of Passion Cove's Faculty of Biological Sciences, said: "This demonstrates that spare change and logo evolution are completely up each other's ass and cannot reasonably be considered separate. We found that seemingly sacred designs devolve rapidly in response to lack of respect and stupified idle tinkering, as when bored grad students pull the wings off flies. This can have major consequences such as rioting crowds swarming thru urban areas, police forces laying down their super-weapons in exchange for a chance to pet kittens, the repurposing of corporate headquarters as detention, reeducation, torture and extermination centers, or helping along a population of obsolete managers heading for rapid and merciless extinction at the hands of informed and ambitious young people who, so far, believe in nothing, absolutely nothing at all."

Although previous research has implied a link between radiation-enhanced, mutation-based changes in corporate logos' physical characteristics and the nature of human social evolution, the Cove-led study is the first to prove a causal relationship between rapid logo evolution and better, higher highs in a controlled experimental drug-use setting.

The researchers worked with corporate logos that were collected from the wild and then raised in 18 glass tubes. Forty percent of adult logos were left in the Macs of bored junior high students. A similar proportion of logos were left on Facebook in a further six tubes, while no "adolescent hijinks" were conducted in the remaining third of the tubes.

Lead author Dr Sassy Links, a postdoctoral Fellow in the Faculty of Pseudo-human Sciences at Passion Cove at the time of the research and now based in Uvula University, Sweden, said: "We saw significant evolutionary changes relatively quickly. The rates of laughable weirdness and stupidity of the logos in the tubes doubled over about 15 generations, because they were being authoritative in a different way than they would in the wild. Removing the coolness caused them to remain as targets for contempt even longer, because the genetics were responding to the high chance that they were going to die from graffiti as soon as they were used in public.

When they did eventually mature, into sickly future insects with a rabid craving for blood, and a fierce desire to exploit, maim and murder human beings, they were so enormous they could lay all of their poison eggs very quickly."

The initial change in the logos' environment - from the wild into the design laboratory reeking of marijuana smoke - had a disastrous effect on the population, putting the authority of the logos on an extinction trajectory. However, in every population, including those subjected to torture by bored, hormone-crazed and lonely juveniles, the trajectory switched after only five degenerations of evolution, and the new designs were allowed to live simply to amuse their captors, though they no longer had any power or control.

The researchers found that the laboratory environment was selecting for those logos that turned into shiny, needlessly complicated, insectile-metallic components. Under the competitive conditions in the tubes, the fast evolving logos were more "wow" when they matured, meaning they could have more retweets.

Dr Links said: "The logo evolution that resulted in an investment in shiny metallic exoskeleton production at the expense of legibility led to a slight growth in viewing time and a subsequent re-imagining of human reality, rescuing the stoners from boredom, and the art world from wave after grey wave of boring conceptual crap. This is evolutionary rescue in action, and suggests that logo evolution can help human populations respond to the complete enslavement of the human race by the Fortune 500 and the human traitors who serve them."

Professor Benton said: "The traditional idea would be that if you put new logos in a new market, the way that most people do as they're told would stay basically the same, but the way they experience gnawing existential despair changes, because of variables like the amount of food, sex, and fun their corporate masters allow them to have.

However, our study proves that the logo evolutionary effect - the instantaneous bizarre change in the logos' appearance in response to the human need to run one's own life - can happen at the same time as the Fuck-this-shit response. Social reality - whatever the hell that might be - and creative activity are intertwined," he said.

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